"Mirror, Mirror"

So many people deal with low self esteem in silence. Because of our pride and our idea that what we are going through is too much for anyone else. Even going so far as to say that no one else really understands our trouble. And of course our secrecy mode kicks in....we don't want anyone in our business for fear that they won't help us, but will turn around and use it against us or tell everyone our hidden secrets.

I suffered in silence for years, even prior to my marriage. In fact, my low self esteem is the reason I married the wrong person. I wanted to be wanted. Sure, guys liked what they saw and I usually gave it to them. But it wasn't what I really wanted, I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be married and I didn't think that anyone would ever want to marry me because of my history with men. So when my Ex-husband stepped up and appeared to say all the things I wanted and needed to hear....I let him in and ignored every red flag I saw. My thoughts were that I could change him, but I was broken myself, how could I possibly fix him.

I was broken! I walked around looking like a whole person, but on the inside there were a lot of missing pieces, a lot of shattered parts, and holes all over the place. I finally reached a point in my life where I didn't look at myself in the mirror. I really wasn't looking! It didn't matter what I looked like, my inside had started to seep to the outside. You ask "where were my true friends?" They were around....but they couldn't see anything cause I masked it all so well for so long. But then, one day I actually looked at myself in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw. I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. I was not happy about this at all.

This epiphany had great purpose though. It forced me to seek after God like never before. I had reached my lowest point and all I could do was look up....and there was God smiling down on me. Now I won't lie to you or give you false hope, my recuperation was not easy and it did take a long time. But, I was on my recovery road to finding myself and learning to love me just as God had designed me.

I would like to share an original poem I recently wrote when I met a group of beautiful ladies that I was fortunate enough to instruct. From their silence during our introduction, I was reunited with my past which was their present moment.

"Mirror, Mirror"

Mirror, mirror In my view,

Wondering why I can't look At you?

The face I see

Looks like me,

But the Image I view

Troubles me.

Why, oh why

Do you continue to

Stalk me.

For years You've kept me

Trapped In This mirror

Convincing me of things

That just weren't true.

To the point That your words

Became my Only view.

But now is the day

That your destructive Words

Must go away!

I know who I am

And all that I can be

I am a Queen,

A secure woman Full of destiny!

A royal priesthood
Fearfully and wonderfully Made am I!

No denying
How fierce I can be

When I Let my Thoughts be

Just as fabulous as
God's Thoughts are About me.

My name has been Changed to

One of undeniable strength.

I am a Warring Woman on the Path!

I am Breakthrough!

I am determined

To Pursue, Overtake and Recover all

That's been Denied me!

I will be sure to love me

Even when it Seems impossible to do.

This time, Your words can't Stop me,

No matter how Hard you try!

I fully intend To dance

As I cross

My finish line.

I've been dealt a new hand!

See, I'm Trump tight, 'aight!

My possibilities are Limitless!

I plan on Runnin' Boston's

For the rest of my life!

All of that bad past is gone away

And will no longer dictate another day.

I've been made over!

Now what I see, Looking back at me,

Is the same strong image

Walking 'round with me!

No more deception.

No more lies.

Watch out World,

I am a beautiful woman On the Rise!

So know that you are so much more than you think you are. You have to choose to live daily!! Don't be defeated by your own negative thoughts and false realities. I love you and you should love you too!!

Luv Ya!!
IB