Not Easily Broken.....This Time Around!!!

I believe that it is destined for everyone to experience a "church" hurt in their lifetime. Why? Not quite sure, but I believe it may have something to do with building character and showing you how much you have grown as a person. If you have been any where near a church, I'm sure have a story or two to share. I'm no different. But I must say that I can't remember having one hit home as close as my latest experience.


So often we get caught in situations that we look back on and wonder, "what in the world was I thinking!!"  We let people into our mental space and give them access to control our thoughts and actions. And often don't realize it until it is too late. So who do we blame, them or ourselves?

I have realized that everyone has at least one Judas on each level that you are advanced to. I was elevated, by God, in the ministry that I serve in at church. Very excited about this promotion but I was not really prepared for the Judas' (yeah plural) that would be attached to it.

I had the opportunity to meet and journey with a great group of ladies. As you know, when you first meet people you have to feel them out before you begin to openly share yourself with them. So we are getting to know each other and breaking some ice along the way which is awesome. When I look back at this experience all I see is Jesus and the scene when Judas kisses him on the cheek. It seemed to happen to me just like that.

This woman was constantly telling me to my face that she loved me and was excited about our journey and looked forward to growing with me and the group. Yet, she was pulling me down and inflicting fear in me about what God was telling me to do with the group that He had put me in charge of. And she did it all in the name of Jesus! Because of her title, I allowed her to put me in bondage with ease.

When I tell you that I struggled for weeks with this issue. I questioned myself as a leader, I questioned God's decision to elevate me, I started doing "safe" things when God was clearly pushing me to do very radical unsafe unconventional things with this group. I was terrified and in serious doubt of all the plans God had given me.

You know how we do, well I do this, "did God say that or was that me telling me what I want to do?"

Well, sad to say, that I held up the progress and true growth of my group because of my doubt. I sat and allowed the Holy Spirit to really speak to me. He revealed so much!! Now it was time for me to make a decision. Was I going to do what "thus saith the Lord" or what was safe? Hmmmmm......

I did what thus saith the Lord! I called my team and I shared what God told me and informed them of what our next step would be and how we would move forward. Oh yeah, my actions affected my teaching team as they were following my lead. So we prayed and fasted and prepared to get back on track and move in the direction God had planned for us in the beginning.

Now I am of the belief that God knows all my moves before I make them. That He is never disappointed in me with anything that I do as He already knows how many times I will fall before I can get up and stay up. So I am aware that He already knew this would stump me, but only for a short time.

Well I stood before my group and with tears in my eyes, I apologized to them for not giving them all that God had given to me to share with them. For our team not being obedient to God, since our first meeting, and coming at them raw and hard as God had promised them He would do. What a freedom, what a blessing to my soul. The group received and appreciated my apology and honesty. Our group hasn't been the same since!! The ladies began to open up and share and release things and heal from past deep rooted hurts. True liberation for the entire group!!!

In my instance, I accept responsibility for allowing this person to hold my thoughts and actions in bondage. I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I wasn't focused and paying attention like I should have. Because of their title, I trusted their words before seeing their actions to back them and give them truth and substance. But this hurt was necessary for my growth.

Because she played her role of "Judas" in my life, it forced me to seek God more, pray more and release my obedience and submit to God's authority like never before. Know that your Judas is there on purpose. The enemy will try to break you, but he can't kill you. You may even break, but God is in control of the breaking so you won't be destroyed. The enemy doesn't win!!

Keep pressing forward. Don't give up when it appears that your back is against the wall. Believe that God has His hand on you and He won't let you fail.....not this time around.

Love You!!
IB