You Used Me....But Don't Forget Me!!

A while ago, this guy introduced himself to me. We started chatting and things were going along pretty cool. I enjoyed talking with him…it was different. I hadn’t experienced such easy “new” conversation like this in a while. He was very interesting and he openly told me about himself without hesitation. I had no use for my “101 Questions to ask a man to see if he has potential” manual. When he spoke I heard his leadership, his protection, his provision, and his passion. He spoke of how he loved being a husband and father and believed strongly in family. He loved his children and I could hear it. He wasn’t an absent parent….he was an active daddy in his children’s lives. He was confident about who he was and passionate about the things he enjoyed. He shared his interests with me and encouraged me to try new things and revisit things that I had left along the side of the road during my journey. Can you say, “all I was waiting for in a man!!”


Well one day, out of the blue, things just suddenly changed. I got “that” phone call. Errrrr…..where did that come from? {lips twisted, nose slightly turned up, while looking up into outer space while scratching my head!!} So I challenged his words a bit…..Hmmmm…..alrighty then. I thought, “maybe this is a test in being submissive”. So I went along and let things be. Month’s passed with no phone calls or text messages. I began to realize that I was totally lost and confused about what “had” happened. Here came the questions…”what went wrong?, what did I say or didn’t say?, etc.”. I thought things were cool between us…this was a total blindside. I mentally reviewed every conversation and text message to see if I had missed something he said, or if I had misinterpreted something that was said, or if I was wrong about something…anything. I kept praying and asking God about this, but got no response.

I was chosen and used for my gift….he didn’t really want me. It wasn’t because of anything I had done, not done, said or didn’t say….it was all about what was inside me. He took my gift, but didn’t take me. He saw something inside me, felt it was good, and went after it. Hello…don’t forget about me….I did share my gift with you.

One day I was talking with a male friend and decided to ask for some male advice on the matter. I gave him the short and sweet version just to give him an idea of what had happened. He shared his male perspective with me and I realized that it could have some validity to it. So I contacted the other guy and asked if we could just hang out for few hours. He responded back, “we can try, but it may be hard cause I’m kinda seeing someone.” Errrrr…..WTHeck??? When did all this happen? He gave what I considered to be very technical responses to all my questions. Not happy, but understanding and realized it was just easier to concede than to fight. I said ok and left it alone. I, of course, contacted my male friend and told him that he hit the nail right on the head!! He is such a great friend, he encouraged me by reminding me that I am a sincere and balanced woman and that the guy was missing out on something good. WOW….I needed that reminder of my worth.


A friend girl shared and God did confirm that I had passed the test. WOO HOO!! GO ITH BOO!!! I was very proud of myself. I can be a big cry baby…but I didn’t cry when he spoke his truth. I didn’t even get upset and curse him out either. Three point shot for Ithaca…..SWOOSH!!! I did take time to revisit some other past relationships as I realized that I had been “here” before. I realized that my reactions before were full of emotion and very erratic. I had experienced this “hurt” before, but my reaction was more mature this time…but still, why did it have to be exposed to this, in this manner?


My guy friend that helped by giving me understanding, shared with me that sometimes men will find someone that has “what they need” to help them get through whatever they are facing. That was my purpose for that short lived temporary friendship. HE USED ME!!! I guess it was harder to accept because we didn’t really know each other…we had to develop our friendship. You know, it’s different when it’s family, friends or even co-workers. But no relationship with each other and I get this??? HUMMPH!!! {folded arms, pouty lips and stomping my feet}


Well, once I calmed my disgruntled spirit down, God shared some things with me. As usual, this didn’t have as much to do with me as I thought. God pointed out that the guy was chosen by the devil to test me….ouch. I had to realize that he was doing something that he was probably uncomfortable doing or even possibly regretted after the fact, all to help God prove that I was ready. For what I’m not sure of yet, but I’m positive that will soon be revealed too! (LOL) But this experience was for my spiritual resume and to show me that I had grown emotionally.


Often we find ourselves in a similar situation in a different arena. We are wounded by church people more often than others. We begin to wonder, “Can I trust people that claim to be children of the Kingdom?” We feel like they take all we have and spit us back out, empty. In all that you go through, don’t forget what God has done for you and has planned to do for you. God has not forgotten you, your calling, your gifts or your dreams. You are special! God allowed and brought you out of those situations for a reason. Love yourself, forgive yourself, and easily forgive others that you feel have wronged you. Remember they are on assignment too. Don’t let your self esteem slip while you are in process, it is critical to your future. Be mindful that you are worth so much, more than you could ever imagine. Your wounds are healed so get back to doing your work and stop having that pity party. They may have used you, but they won’t ever be able to forget you!!

Love Ya!!

IB